Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
