I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
