I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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