So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
