Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
