You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have aggressive nipples.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
