but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
