What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
