it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Mom said you looked used
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
