the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
