I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
