I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
