She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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