it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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