Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
