I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
