Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
