Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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