If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
