I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
