thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
