So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
