I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
