I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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