her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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