no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
