So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I lost the right to judge tonight
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
