i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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