dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
