Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
