this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
