At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
