smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
