I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
