All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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