She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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