Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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