i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
