Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
