I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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