is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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