it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
did i just pee glitter
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
