did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
