your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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