I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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