YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing