Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!