Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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