I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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