Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.