I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...