goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped