So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
