i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
