wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
