he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
