He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
