I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
