i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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