you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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