He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
