census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
