Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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