FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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