So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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