she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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