: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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