i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
