Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My balls are so social today.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
