When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
