If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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