I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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