I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
