I hate all girls vehemently.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
