My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
