I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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