I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
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I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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